Newark Liberty International Airport, 3:29pm, Monday June 17th, 2019.
I’m beginning the blog that I should have started on my last trip. And where else to begin a blog than in an airport? And not just any airport. But Newark Liberty International Airport.
Terminal B of this airport, with its low gray ceilings, checkered brown carpet, and zero Starbucks feels more like a bus station than an airport. Terminal B of this airport, with its Port Authority Charging Stations that don’t charge, and it's one men’s restroom that is currently closed for cleaning, is a marvelous place.
Why?
The aesthetic.
Just kidding. I’m not that millennial.
I like it here because of the people. Over at the one Irish-Pub-like-thing there’s a family speaking Germany and arguing over the Women’s world cup. At the bar, two men wearing black leather coats are drinking dark Guinness as if this were Dublin. Just a few moments ago, a man wearing a blue sport coat over a pressed white dress shirt with fabulous silver cufflinks, dark wash jeans, and sneakers put his shoes back on after going through security and walked a few paces ahead of me chatting with a younger woman (his daughter….?) before ushering her off to the side of the terminal and through a door to the Scandinavian Airlines Business Lounge. Who was this man? Was that his daughter or his wife? Were they rich? I should say the man had an elaborate white goatee, a skinny sunburned face, and could have very well been a retired rock-and-roll star. Or maybe a Scandinavian entrepreneur. Who knows.
Maybe you can tell by now that I enjoy people watching. Why? Here are some reasons:
it’s free
you can do it (almost) anywhere
it lets you get outside yourself
you can do it with a buddy
you can do it alone
it can be an exercise in cultivated perception
This last reason, cultivated perception, is what this post is all about. I’ve been turning over something that a trusted professor and friend of mine said during one of our last classes together at Dartmouth. He was explaining the value of — for at least once during his life — being totally and completely powerless to a force outside of himself. Doing so allowed him to accept the inevitability of his situation, and focus on controlling his response to it.
The idea of accepting the inevitability of outside events and instead controlling your response to them is not a new idea. It goes by many names, one of which is Stoicism. Stoicism is a school of philosophy that was founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens in the 3rd Century BC. In classic Greek fashion, Zeno taught some dudes who taught some other dudes until Epicurus said this greek quote:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.”
If quoting old dead white guys isn’t your thing, here’s a neat graphic that communicates the same thing:
^neat graphic from: https://www.raptitude.com/2017/03/only-thing-get-good-at/
To me, realizing that the subset of Things You Can Affect is actually quite small is hugely liberating. Not only does it mean you can drop a lot of unnecessary baggage, it also means — because you have identified where you can actually take action — that you have a much better chance of changing things in your life and world the around you.
I’ve included a little appendix at the end of this post for some extra stuff on stoicism that I left out in the main post, so check that out if you’re interested. In the meantime, I want to add one more thing. It’s about the diagram above. See the three labels? All The Things That Can Happen. All The Things That Can Affect You. All The Things You Can Affect. There’s one thing that isn’t labeled that should be. It’s you. You’re that weird little stick figure trying to hail a cab with no eyes. You should be labeled: Person Who Gets To Determine Size of Circles. Because All The Things That Can Affect You and All The Things You Can Affect are not static categories. You can choose to be affected, and you can put yourself in a position to be more affective in every situation.
In the case of Newark Liberty International Airport, I’m trying to be affected by the people I see, trying to get something from spectating over a procession of people from all over the world. Part of this is passive: just having time to watch. But part of this is active, it’s a mindset, trying to be surprised and intrigued by what I see. This “paying attention to fascinating details” is another powerful idea, and one I’ll probably dedicate a whole post to at some point, so for now I just want to close with this:
I’m sitting by those chargers I mentioned earlier, the ones that don’t work. While writing this post, I’ve had the pleasure of telling roughly two dozen people that the chargers they expect to power their electronics do not in fact work. Preemptively delivering the bad news and wearing an apologetic smile has been weirdly enjoyable, and I’ve struck up conversations with a few of the people who’ve come to charge their phones.
Silver linings at a downtrodden airport. Boarding for Amsterdam now.
Appendix:
interesting graphic on the ideal stoic:
ideal stoic dude from: https://www.njlifehacks.com/what-is-stoicism-overview-definition-10-stoic-principles/
Interesting graphic on reframing:
Another thing I left out: Stoics believe in healthy and unhealthy passions. Fear, Lust, and Pleasure constitute the unhealthy passions.
Fear = the unhealthy expectation of something harmful.
Lust = the unhealthy pursuit of something erroneously judged as good.
Pleasure = the unhealthy enjoyment of something that isn’t actually worth enjoying.
All of these unhealthy passions have their healthy counterparts. Fear has caution. Lust has Willing. And Passion has Joy.
Caution = intentional planned aversion to actually harmful things.
Willing = rational desire for virtuous goods.
Joy = rational elation over achieving the objects of your Willing.